Self-worth. Is it about how much ya keep up your house?
As my daughter naps, I sit here and contemplate my self worth. Am I worthy? (All I can imagine in my head right now is that scene from the movie 'Wayne's World' ... "We're not worthy! We're not worthy!") But, really, am I?
For about a month now, I've been really focusing on cleaning more. This might seem trivial to the average person but for me, it's huge. Before this time, I would leave dishes in the sink, I wouldn't vacuum for weeks, and I'd leave laundry piling. I didn't let all this happen out of pure laziness; I really couldn't accomplish much due to not feeling well.
Fortunately (or, unfortunately?) I started spacing my pain medication closer together, and that has helped me get more accomplished throughout the day. I don't like relying on pills, but, if I am not in pain, and not feeling "lazy", then I actually start to like myself a bit more. Let's face it, a mom in pain constantly never feels good about herself. Like, ever.
I haven't left one dish in the sink overnight for the past month. This is a goal I have set for myself and I have been feeling quite proud. I have also been vacuuming daily and picking up toys 1-2 x a day (If it gets to more than this, hell, I wait for my husband to do it when he gets home :D). As soon as the clean clothes come out of the dryer, I have them folded almost immediately. I am bragging, yes. Because this hasn't been "me" for years. I have been wanting this and wanting to feel like I am accomplishing something. Wanting to feel like I am worthy. And the fact that I feel well enough to do this is outstanding. Is the medicine working? I hope so!
Now to decide if I should start Rituxan and taper off prednisone...or stay where I'm at. I don't want to mess up a good thing.
For about a month now, I've been really focusing on cleaning more. This might seem trivial to the average person but for me, it's huge. Before this time, I would leave dishes in the sink, I wouldn't vacuum for weeks, and I'd leave laundry piling. I didn't let all this happen out of pure laziness; I really couldn't accomplish much due to not feeling well.
Fortunately (or, unfortunately?) I started spacing my pain medication closer together, and that has helped me get more accomplished throughout the day. I don't like relying on pills, but, if I am not in pain, and not feeling "lazy", then I actually start to like myself a bit more. Let's face it, a mom in pain constantly never feels good about herself. Like, ever.
I haven't left one dish in the sink overnight for the past month. This is a goal I have set for myself and I have been feeling quite proud. I have also been vacuuming daily and picking up toys 1-2 x a day (If it gets to more than this, hell, I wait for my husband to do it when he gets home :D). As soon as the clean clothes come out of the dryer, I have them folded almost immediately. I am bragging, yes. Because this hasn't been "me" for years. I have been wanting this and wanting to feel like I am accomplishing something. Wanting to feel like I am worthy. And the fact that I feel well enough to do this is outstanding. Is the medicine working? I hope so!
Now to decide if I should start Rituxan and taper off prednisone...or stay where I'm at. I don't want to mess up a good thing.
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